I am participating today with Shell from THINGS I CAN'T SAY and her Pour Your Heart Out meme. If you haven't read her blog yet, you should absolutely do so!
Depression is a very real thing, and unless you have it or know someone who does it is hard to understand how or why a person can't just "suck it up" or "put on their big kid panties and deal with it." If you have depression, you understand that having a "blue day" is more like having a down slope that is slippery and can go very fast and deep.
When I had Kristin, I had visions of rainbows and ponies. You know, we would take walks in the park. She would be a chubby cherub who cooed and and made little spit bubbles. Shortly after she was born, reality hit. She was not a cherub that cooed and made spit bubbles. She was long and thing....still is....and she was colicky. On a good night I got about an hour and forty-five minutes of sleep. I fell into the worst depression I have ever known. I cried all the time. I was the worst mom ever because all my baby ever did was cry so obviously she didn't like me. And to make matters worse, there were times when I didn't like her. What kind of mother does that? This of course made me feel even more guilty. Finally my husband told me how worried he was about me and I put myself in therapy. It made a huge difference. Plus I ran home to my mom for a week of reprieve.
Fast forward to my second pregnancy, and I told my doctor about that horrible time and he made sure I was on anti-depressants as soon as possible--after she was completely weaned...a personal choice there. It was like someone turned on a switch. I had never felt so good. I was smiling. I was functional. It was amazing to me, that one little pill could make me so happy.
Fast forward to 2001/2002. A death in the family, and 9/11 plus a major move across the country. That sent me into a tail spin. I was off the medication and having a horrible time. A new med was introduced. I didn't like it. It left me feeling like a zombie. I could hardly function. I got off of it and tried it on my own for a while. That didn't last and I went back to my tried and true plus one more. Then, I got pregnant with baby number three and got off the meds ASAP. I was doing fine. Then he was born and he was colicky. It was rough. I cried a lot. But I had tools. I knew to put him down in his bassinet and let him cry. I knew I could leave him in his crib while I took a shower. I did better.
After we moved back home, I went into another depression, and what was worse about this one was it came with body aches. I couldn't move some days. It was unreal. I wasn't sick, but most days I felt as if I was. It was a very difficult time for me. Finally, I went to my doctor and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. She gave me a prescription and poof. That light bulb switch effect. I still have bad days. I still have body aches and pains. But they are far more easy to deal with.
Depression doesn't go away. We can't "suck it up." It requires treatment. Medicine doesn't cure it. However, it sure makes dealing with it much easier. I know I sound like a commercial when I say this, but if you think you have depression or have been having sad days for more than two weeks, please talk to your doctor. I am a happy person, I have a good life, but yeah I have depression. It sucks. I take medicine. It helps.