Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Pour Your Heart Out...

I am participating today with Shell from THINGS I CAN'T SAY and her Pour Your Heart Out meme.  If you haven't read her blog yet, you should absolutely do so! 

Depression is a very real thing, and unless you have it or know someone who does it is hard to understand how or why a person can't just "suck it up" or "put on their big kid panties and deal with it." If you have depression, you understand that having a "blue day" is more like having a down slope that is slippery and can go very fast and deep. 

When I had Kristin, I had visions of rainbows and ponies.  You know, we would take walks in the park.  She would be a chubby cherub who cooed and and made little spit bubbles.  Shortly after she was born, reality hit.  She was not a cherub that cooed and made spit bubbles.  She was long and thing....still is....and she was colicky.  On a good night I got about an hour and forty-five minutes of sleep.  I fell into the worst depression I have ever known.  I cried all the time.  I was the worst mom ever because all my baby ever did was cry so obviously she didn't like me.  And to make matters worse, there were times when I didn't like her.  What kind of mother does that?  This of course made me feel even more guilty.  Finally my husband told me how worried he was about me and I put myself in therapy.  It made a huge difference.  Plus I ran home to my mom for a week of reprieve. 

Fast forward to my second pregnancy, and I told my doctor about that horrible time and he made sure I was on anti-depressants as soon as possible--after she was completely weaned...a personal choice there.  It was like someone turned on a switch.  I had never felt so good.  I was smiling.  I was functional.  It was amazing to me, that one little pill could make me so happy. 

Fast forward to 2001/2002.  A death in the family, and 9/11 plus a major move across the country.  That sent me into a tail spin.  I was off the medication and having a horrible time.  A new med was introduced.  I didn't like it.  It left me feeling like a zombie.  I could hardly function.  I got off of it and tried it on my own for a while.  That didn't last and I went back to my tried and true plus one more.  Then, I got pregnant with baby number three and got off the meds ASAP.  I was doing fine.  Then he was born and he was colicky.  It was rough.  I cried a lot.  But I had tools.  I knew to put him down in his bassinet and let him cry.  I knew I could leave him in his crib while I took a shower.  I did better.

After we moved back home, I went into another depression, and what was worse about this one was it came with body aches.  I couldn't move some days.  It was unreal.  I wasn't sick, but most days I felt as if I was.  It was a very difficult time for me.  Finally, I went to my doctor and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  She gave me a prescription and poof.  That light bulb switch effect.  I still have bad days.  I still have body aches and pains.  But they are far more easy to deal with.

Depression doesn't go away.  We can't "suck it up."  It requires treatment.  Medicine doesn't cure it.  However, it sure makes dealing with it much easier.  I know I sound like a commercial when I say this, but if you think you have depression or have been having sad days for more than two weeks, please talk to your doctor.  I am a happy person, I have a good life, but yeah I have depression.  It sucks.  I take medicine.  It helps. 

14 comments:

Emmy said...

I hope your post is able to help someone. So awesome that you were willing to share

Amy said...

You are so brave! I am impressed that you posted this. I hope it can help someone. I am very blessed. I have never really suffered from depression (aside from the typical in teenage years). I cannot pretend to even begin to understand, but I try to be sympathetic. Thankfully there are meds and people can get help.

Mrs Montoya said...

I admire you so much for your candor. Depression is so real and it's not bad when we say that we don't like our babies. Saying nothing could be so much worse.

Wonderful Pour Your Heart Out post, Lourie!

MiMi said...

I hate depression. I always think of it like a big black pit sitting in a huge field. I'm in the field with it and I circle the pit. Sometimes I get too close and it SUCKS ME IN. :(

Rachel Sue said...

This was a great real life post. Thanks for sharing.

Snuggle Wasteland said...

Our stories are similar except I never received treatment for my depression after having my babies. I was in a very bad place. I still have some bad days but my fibro meds help as does exercise (when I do it).

The winter is so gray and yucky here...it's easy to slip back into depression.

Shell said...

Depression is so very real. And not something you can suck up. People who say that have never gone through it.

Kim said...

What an amazing post. I suffered from depression afte my first and was prepared after number 2 adn 3. Now I control it with exercise. When I stop exercising it feel the depression sink in. I am trying to stay off the meds, but am willing to use them when needed. I hope others read your post and are inspired, at least, to talk about it and get help!

Linda Medrano said...

That post natal depression is terrible. I never had it, but a lot of women I know did. Your husband sounds like a really supportive guy!

I lost my mom and my beloved dog within weeks of each other. I got so depressed I could barely get out of bed. I went on Zoloft for 2 years and I'm fine now. It really is something that needs to be taken seriously, Antidepressant meds can do wonders. thanks for sharing!

Mamarazzi said...

such a hard thing to talk about. i have had my depressed times and will medicate for them. i am glad when they go away and i don't need the meds but thankful for the blessing of modern medicine.

Christina Lee said...

EXACTLY! You would treat diabetes if you had it, so why not a mental healthy illnesses? It boils my blood the bad rep they still have. Good for you for taking care of yourself!

Sarafan2 said...

So glad that you shared this with your readers. Depression is an epidemic in this country, and is treatable. If left alone, and unattended to, serious and sometimes fatal things can happen. I, too have suffered depression for decades now, and appreciate you talking about this openly. People should not critisize others with this, as it is not an easy thing to handle. Thanks!!

Mothers' Hideaway said...

I have so been there. I think what makes depression harder for me is when I see my loved ones go through it and I have no idea how to help because I don't even know how to deal with mine.

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

I'm so glad you posted about this! I've been through this, thankfully only on a small scale, but at the time I felt so guilty. Like it was entirely my fault. I don't think I even realized how common this was until I started blogging.