Friday, November 20, 2009

Alligator Shoes


I love a good blonde joke.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Thursday, November 19, 2009

1 through 5


It's Thursday and once again, I am choosing to go with Mama Kat's weekly writing prompt. Today, I am doing something different. I am going to write about all five. I will keep them as brief as humanly possible so as not to bore you to tears, but then you can always click the X button right? I mean I would never know.

A Thanksgiving Remembered:

We all have our favorite things about Thanksgiving. The parade. The football. Does anyone remember when they used to show Miracle on 34th Street after the parade each year? Why don't they do that anymore? I digress.

When my first child was born in September of 97, I was determined to have Thanksgiving dinner. And well, having a lot a little bit of control issues, I wanted it done the way I was accustomed too. You know make the stuffing like my mom, the yams, etc. Forget the fact that I was operating on little or no sleep. Forget the fact that Rich at the time was working two jobs. Forget the fact that if Kristin wasn't sleeping, she was in my arms screaming. So why then did I insist on a full blown Thanksgiving dinner? Because I was stupid!!!! I should have bought frozen dinners, and maybe some turkey breasts to cook for sandwich purposes.

Most destructive thing your pet has ever done:

Okay this one is not about my pet, it's about a friend's pet I took care of. Once upon a time, when Kristin was 3 and we lived in military housing, we were helping a friend by feeding and walking their dalmatian. They also had a bunny. This thrilled Kristin beyond measure even back then. The couple was gone for just a few days, and the day before they were going to be home their dog had torn up and shredded every bit of newspaper he could find and then ever so thoughtfully spread the little bits of paper all over the house. Now, that wasn't enough. He decided the room needed more. So he ripped up a pillow and tossed the contents therein here and there. Well now, any dog in his right mind knows that the way keep your territory as yours is to mark it. Yep he peed. I was soooo glad he wasn't my dog. I cleaned up his messes and hoped he wouldn't do it again.

1000 words or less something that happened to me that I knew I would never be the same.

Sept 23, 1997 at 5:43PM
June 28, 2000 at 10:43AM
Oct. 14, 2005 at 8:15AM

'Nough said.

An entry from my diary at age 13? Well now, I don't remember keeping one at that time, though I wished I did. I remember being tormented in school. I had lots of acne, I was taller than my peers, I had no need to assist my chest with tissue or socks, and I was convinced I was fatter than a hippo. At 13 I was 5'8" and probably weighed 130 pounds. See, nice and healthy. But boy I was gross and fat in my book. My sister was 5'10 and weighed about 135. So you can imagine how thin she must have been. I don't blame her of course and I didn't then either.

Describe a moment you felt embarrassed by your parents.

Well I don't remember my mom embarrassing me as much as I know I take pleasure in embarrassing my daughter. I am not sure if it is being mean spirited or just that I am immature that way. In my defense, I am around 12 year olds 5 days a week. It rubs off. I do remember one time when I was maybe 10, my dad standing on the porch and yelling at me to get in the house. His exact words were, "Lourie Jean get your rufus in the house!!" Rufus. Who says that? Apparently my dad. My friends taunted me over that one for weeks. I can't even remember why I was in trouble. I was too embarrassed.

Well that is it. I hope you didn't mind my ramblings.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I Pet A Snake

That's right. I indeed touched a snake. I showed no fear, I just reached out and touched it. Of course, the snake in question was being handled by someone who knew what they were doing, and the snake itself was probably only 2 feet long at most. It wasn't cold and slimey as one might think. No, it was soft and silky. Perhaps this is how they glide so effortlessly around. I let the snake wrap it's tail around my wrist, and I could feel a sample of the power it has when it tightens its body around its victims. I honestly could have petted that silly thing all day, but it was a snake. So this got me thinking, what else have I done...you know sort of like a bucket list thing. I actually have done a lot of things, but that in know way means I am done!!! So what have I done....?

1. I have met: Scott Bakula, Dean Stockwell, Tony Danza, The Monkees, Lisa Whelchel, and had a photo op with President Bush(43) and Mrs. Bush.

2. I auditioned for a Bud Light commercial

3. I came in 3rd in a line dance competition(and was later told I was totally robbed) for tickets to a Brooks and Dunn concert. No tickets for me. Oh well.

4. I have been to the White House and seen both wings

5. I have visited many states: Utah, ID, AZ, TX, LA, AL, GA, OH & PA

6. I have eaten: alligator, deer, and liver. Liver is not something I care for.

7. I have ridden horseback through the woods and hills of Mexico. Looking back it truly was an amazing ride, but I was absolutely terrified when we crossed the river of death!!!

There have been a lot of things I have done, and many things I have yet to do. For instance, I have yet to write that book!
The Rosy Boa

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Under Wraps


We have been in the market to buy a house since May. I remember getting the pre-qualification letter during a thunder and lightening storm. It was quite a display. Lightening is both terrifying and awesome to watch. As I drove away with my letter in hand, I began to feel excited and at the same time a little sick. I had visions of being in a home within a couple of months. Yeah, sure babe, right!

The market right now is terrible. It is not a buyer's market. It is a seller's market. Well maybe it is a banker's market, because most homes are short sales or bank owned. This means it is their decision whether an offer is accepted. If you are like me, you don't know what a short sale is. A short sale is a long drawn process with a lot of paper work. Sadly almost any home in our price range is a short sale. A short sale means the home was bought for far more than it is now currently worth. Sad, but true. So the bank comes up short and has to eat up the loss. Hence the reason why the bank gets to decide and why it takes for bloody ever.

By September we had seen less than ten houses 2 of which we bid on. The rest were...well...let's just say less than desirable. I was getting discouraged and thinking it would never happen for us. It was around that time, that our landlord called me and told me that she and her husband have decided to short sale this house. And who better to sell it to than us. I was thrilled and at the same time sad. I consider her my friend, and my friend is having to give up an investment. But she was firm about it, and even more so about having us be the buyer.

I wanted to shout it from the roof tops, but I couldn't. I didn't want to jinx it. It reminded me of when a woman finds out she is pregnant. Whether it is the first time or the fourth time, you don't want to say anything until you are past that first trimester. Well since I don't know how long this will take and it does seem to be progressing forward, I decided it might be okay to blog about it now. The bid has been made, the papers have begun, and today the house is being appraised. I am waiting for them. I don't know what to expect. I do not like the unknown. I am still stepping lightly, and I won't say anything for sure until it is set in stone and signed in blood. I do not want to "jinx" it.

Monday, November 16, 2009

What's Your Humble Opinion?


This morning I had to take my girls to school. Due to a family emergency, the extras were not going to school today and therefore Kristin & Emily would not be riding with them. As I drove Kristin to school, we began one of our lengthy discussions. Since this girl was tiny, she has had the capacity to carry on quite elaborate discussions, but then she also has the uncanny ability to switch gears in a nano-second. Today's topic: School uniforms. Her opinion is: Well they are good and bad. Okay, how are they good?

"Well they are good because then everyone is the same. No one can make fun of you for what you are wearing."

"Why are they bad?"

"Because you can't be unique. And because you can't mix and match outfits."
These are legitimate arguments for a 12 year old. She also didn't do it with a whiney tone. She stated her reasons thoughtfully and intelligently.

I had the rebuttal all ready and then it happened(again) a brain fart. Don't ya hate that? Second time today and it was only 8:30! I did remember tho. My argument was that no matter what job you are in there is some kind of uniform. Even working at Wal-Mart. They wear beige pants and navy blue polo shirts. So why not learn this while you are in school? So my question(and hopefully I can figure out the poll button) today is: Should there be school uniforms in all schools? And, should the teachers have a dress standard or wear a similar uniform?