Friday, September 23, 2011

A Star is Born





six months
4 years
8 years
 Honor Roll
What a beautiful young woman!
Happy Birthday, Kristin!!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Phantom Pooper/Pee-er


There's a phantom pooper/pee-er in our house.  It's true.  More than once a day, and in more than one toilet(we have three) I have the pleasure of finding souvenirs.   I am pretty sure it is not the cat.  I know it isn't Rich or me.  I forget a lot of stuff, but flushing isn't one of them.  Thankfully, I still remember that one.  I am even likely to offer a courtesy flush if necessary.

The phantom pooper/pee-er knows no boundaries.  He/she will use any bathroom for any bathroom need.  I have given up grilling the kids on their recent use of the potty because they will deny it or simply blame one another.  I can understand when you are small and learning to use the toilet why you would forget or even be afraid.  It makes a big noise and sucks away the waste.  But come on.  You guys are getting older now.  Time to push the handle and say good bye to your stuff.  And please don't tell me you forgot.  How do you forget to flush? 

So you never when or where The Phantom Pooper/Pee-er will strike.  You just have to be prepared for when he/she does.  This proud mommy moment has been brought to you by Emmy and Kmama and Proud Mommy Moments.







Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Dancing With The Stars Season 13

I thought it would be so lackluster, and I was pleasantly surprised Monday night by almost all of these cast members who brought a little something different to the dance floor.  I still say my cast is better, but since I don't work for ABC yet we will go with theirs.

Ron and Peta 1-800-868-3401
Ron is a basketball player so he is very tall as you can see, and he had that "Dennis Rodman" thing going on with his hair.  Whatever.  His four year old daughter is a cancer survivor.  It tugged at my heart strings a little.  As much as my heart strings were tugged, he was very stiff on the floor.  Loosen up!  Have some fun, and get funky.  They danced the Cha-Cha.

Len told him it was a new season, but it was the same shimy-ing about and that it was lackluster.  Bruno said it looked as if "Dance-A-Tron" had landed.  He told he definitely had power and presence, but he needed to work on technique.  Carrie Ann told him he was eccentric and sexy...somebody hose her down.  She did agree with Bruno at least that he needed to work on his technique.

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  5
Len:  4  (Ouch!  Did he get enough fiber today?)
Bruno:  5
Total:  15  (Thank you Brooke Burke, how would we know the totals without you?)

Rob and Cheryl 1800-868-3402

Rob, you can not and do not deserve my BIL's name.  He's a good guy.  You are kind of a butt.  He actually told Cheryl in rehearsal, "You're my woman now." Whether in jest or not it was a mistake, and Cheryl was not having it.  "No, you're MY woman!" Translation:  You're my little B*tch!  We had a good laugh over that.  They danced the Viennese Waltz and he was stiff and flat footed.

Bruno told him that he needed to relax.  He was far to tense.  Carrie Ann agreed and even told him he has potential.  Really?  Maybe she ate Len's fiber bar.  Len was not impressed at all.  He told him he was too careful and that he needs to bring it and let it go.

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  6 (that's generous)
Len:  5
Bruno:  5
Total:  16

Kristin and Mark 1-800-868-3403

In the Hills, she is the bad girl and now she wants to be the dancer.  She was a little clumsy in rehearsal; a lot of them are.  I have to say though, doing Zumba gives me a taste of what this must be like.  And I admire them.  It's gotta be hard.  They danced the cha cha and on the floor she showed potential but she held back.  Bring it girl.  You can do it!

Carrie Ann told her that she was built to dance and she wants to see her dance more.  Her only gripe was that she shuffled when she was on her own.  Len told her it was light and lively but he wanted to see more attitude (like she had in rehearsal).  Bruno begged to differ and told her she had a hot attitude but warned her to make everything connect from top to bottom.

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  7
Len:  6
Bruno:  6
Total:  19

Chynna and Tony 1-800-868-3404

Their dance was the Viennese Waltz and it was lovely.  She has true potential and I would like to see her continue on.  Tony is such a sweet partner too.
Len said it wasn't the best but it was close.  Bruno said it looked as if she was stepping out of a dream and into his heart.  Carrie Ann told her that the talent is most definitely there and that she looks forward to seeing her next week.  (hint hint voters!)

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  8
Len:  7
Bruno: 7
Total:  22

Nancy and Tristan 1-800-868-3405

Tristan is another new addition to the fold.  He is an Irish man.  Nancy says he sounds like leprechaun.  He's cute.  He told her to start on the third beat she thought he said, "turd."  It was hilarious.  She danced a good cha-cha and has potential to really bring it.  Plus she is funny.  

Bruno said she is lavishly gifted and that she has the moves, but she doesn't believe in herself.  Carrie Ann called her cute, spunky and sassy.  She told her to remember her choreography.  Len said dancing is like a balancing act.  She has performance but her technique is underwhelming.

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  5
Len:  5
Bruno: 6
Total:  16

David and Kym 1-800-868-3406

David Arquette is 8 months sober.  That right there is impressive.  My middle daughter wanted to know what that meant.  I explained it to her, and added that it is a very big deal to go that long.  They danced the Viennese Waltz and it was great.  I was quite surprised by him.  And even more surprised to see Courtney Cox in the audience cheering him on.
Carrie Ann told him that despite him getting lost--hmmm I missed that--it gave him a beautiful vulnerability.  She told him to relax.  Len told him there was no messing about and that he was very impressed.  He also praised him for covering the mistake.  I seriously missed it.  But then I was fighting a screaming migraine.  Bruno enjoyed it as well even though part of the time David appeared as if he didn't what he was doing.  Well of course not Bruno!  This is all NEW to him.  

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  6
Len:  6
Bruno: 6
Total: 18

Elisabetta and Val 1-800-868-3407

Elisabetta and Val dance the cha cha.  Together they do great...or at least... mostly great.  Elisabetta on her own is nice to look at but if she truly wants to stay she needs to step it up.  A lot.  The dance started with them in a bed.  A huge no-no in the world of Len.  He doesn't like props and stuff.

As predicted, Len did not like the bed.  He like the dance at the beginning and the rest was described as brittle.  Bruno said, "I thought you were very good in bed." (Bruno you are so naughty!) He told her she needs to be more confident and that will be made in her journey.  Carrie Ann told her to utilize her modeling skills and ability to work alone to dance alone because alone she was unsure.

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  5
Len:  5
Bruno: 5
Total: 15

Hope and Maks 1-800-868-3408

Another beautiful Viennese Waltz.  She is a soccer player.  A champion.  She is strong.  Physically.  And it shows.  

Carrie Ann told her that their body contact  was impressive and that they had a wonderful connection, but to beware of muscling up.  Len said she had good posture and good holds.  She just needs to work on her fluidity and femininity.  Bruno told her she has attack, musicality and that she needs to work on her control.

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  7
Len: 7
Bruno: 7
Total: 21

Carson and Anna 1-800-868-3409


The first words out of Carson's mouth when he saw Anna, "Well you're not Maks, your're not Mark and you're not Derek, but you're gorgeous and you will make me dance!"  So tell me right now, how is Chaz such a controversy when Carson is wanting male dance partners.  Just sayin.'  I could care less really.  He is an absolute riot.  I want him to stay.  He was a joy to watch cha cha.

Carrie Ann said that technicalities aside it was her favorite dance.  Len said he had swagger and stagger and that he hopped to see him again next week.  Bruno told him it was full outrageous fun.

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  6
Len:  5
Bruno: 6:
Total: 17

JR and Karina 1-800-868-3410


JR was a soldier in an Iraq driving a truck that drove over a bomb.  He suffered burns over 40 percent of his body and has undergone 33 surgeries.  His outlook is amazing.  He has a regular job on All My Children and who knew, but he has a real talent on the dance floor too.  It was a beautiful and touching Viennese Waltz.  

Len said it was the best one of the night and he said he will see him next week.  Bruno said he's got the hips and that he couldn't believe how well he did in week one.  "It just needs a little spit and polish."  Carrie Ann was moved the performance.

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  8
Len:  7
Bruno: 7
Total: 22

Rikki and Derek 1-800-868-3411

Derek is back!  And Rikki Lake is the lucky duck who got paired with him.  And she couldn't be happier.  She was asked last year to do this show and seeing Kirstie Alley was her inspiration.  She is excited to be a part of the show and is challenging herself to lose weight as so many of the celebrities before her have.  With a partner like Derek, you can't help but do well.  But you have to give a little too.  And Rikki gave a lot.  It was a lovely Viennese Waltz.  

Carrie Ann said she was like a beautiful princess and Derek was her perfect prince.  Bruno said she was like the cat who just got the cream.  As for Len, he liked it overall but wants her to work on her footwork.

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  7
Len: 6
Bruno: 7
Total:  20

Chaz and Lacey

Chaz and Lacey 1-800-868-3412

After weeks of controversy-stirred mostly by the public and the media here was what Chaz said, "I was born this way and now I am this way" (okay I am paraphrasing) but it was simple and no big deal.  And to my surprise Chaz can dance.  Haters say Lacey simple Cha-Cha-ed around him.  I disagree.  Chaz did dance and he did a good job.  And like I said before, everyone is making a big deal about Chaz, but nobody has said boo about Carson Kressley.  Kind of backwards.  

Carrie Ann said he great footwork and that he lit up the room.  Len called him "Razimitazz-Chaz"  Hmmm wonder if I spelled that right.  He also mentioned the good footwork.  Bruno said he was cute and cuddly and called it a great debut!

Scores:
Carrie Ann:  6
Len:  5
Bruno:  6
Total:  17

Going Home First:  Ron Artest & Peta Murgatroyd.    I was surprised to see the athlete go first.  I am looking forward to next week:  The Jive!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Who's Old?


Sometimes I feel like I am still 20 something.  Especially when I am watching episodes of FRIENDS.  But then it hits me, that show started in 1994.  Which means we are heading for that 20 year mark.  Ouch that one hurt.  But they are (in the show) still so fresh and in the peak of their lives.  Of course because the show is in reruns.  The actors have aged just as I have.  Are they feeling it too?

I remember when I turned 35...things had already started to shift and change.  Yes, I said shift.  One thing I noticed right away was I sweated way more.  I also noticed that getting up from sitting (in a car or at the movies) caused me to make sounds that I didn't make before. And now more things have happened.  My body creeks and pops when I move.  I am happy and proud to say that I Zumba, but when she starts twisting at the waist and works the core, my back pops.  It feels good, but it POPS!

And speaking of sounds, since when does passing gas...FARTING... become part MY morning routine?  I am not talking about the occasional, "ooops, hehehehe was that me?"  Yeah, like anyone married beyond 3 years even pulls that.  Once you hit 35, it seems to be a part of life.  I say make it a game with the kids.  How many times will Mom fart before breakfast? And now that my image is completely shattered....yeah right...

Sleeping...at first it was wake up every hour and then go right back to sleep.  That is true insomnia.  Melatonin is your best friend.  I take it every night.  And now, I think I slip into a coma of sorts.  I go to bed at my not so decent hour and don't wake up til the alarm has been playing for at least 5 minutes.  And don't usually feel rested.

Forgetful.

Another part of getting older is how much I forget stuff.  It is downright scary at times.  That and the frequency at which I have started to say, "Hey, this is new." at the sight of moles and (gasp) age spots!!!  Age spots! Who in the world decided they were called that!  Let's call them something else shall we?  Marks of Wisdom.

Yesterday my sister exclaimed that she was hot.  I was under an ice pack fighting a migraine from hell so I was blissfully unaware of heat.  But she was HOT.  I told her it was because she was 45 and it came with the territory.  She told me that it was because it was HOT.  Rule number 857 never tell a woman she is hot because of her age.  She is hot because it is hot even if it is sub zero temperatures.*

For a few years I thought my hair was getting lighter--it had gone dark which made me sad--than I realized it's not lighter it's turning white.  More and more.  I colored it.  Those whites won't be hidden.  Maybe I will get some purple extensions.

Getting older sucks, but my spirit is forever young.  Just like my FRIENDS!  Who were on Nick At Nite by the way.  D'oh!

*It was 100 degrees yesterday.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Toddlers and Belly Fat





I am all for teaching the family about healthy eating.  I am not exactly doing it, but I am definitely all for it.  I am all for introducing new foods to my kids, knowing full well they will likely turn their noses up at it.  I insist that they at least try one bite of something new so they can truly decide if they like it or not.  I understand this news piece.  I do...and the article that goes with it, which can be found here.   My problem is presentation:  TODDLERS AND BELLY FAT.  WHAT THE FRENCH TOAST!?  Toddlers are supposed to have sticky outy bellies people!  And that woman talking about her daughter in the video!  About how she can SEE the gain of a couple of nights sweet treats in her daughters belly!!  What the heck!?  Is she trying to create an eating disorder in her child?  Am I overreacting?  And I love the doctor.  I actually commented on the site, "How many children does she have?"  She doesn't talk like she has she any.  I know my kids well enough to know that they will not give in eventually to foods they don't like.  What kid does?

That being said here is my two cents on how this article should have gone down:  First off all, that woman should be slapped for practically calling her baby fat.  Second, the article is called TODDLERS AND BELLY FAT.  Let's call it:  TODDLERS LEARN ABOUT BELLY FAT.  Then they could have launched into the story about teaching our kids about healthy eating.  And the doctor?  Well...she needs to spend about a month with kids before advising what to do with them especially if she truly doesn't have any of own.

What are your thoughts? 

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