Monday, February 22, 2010

Remembering Me.

When I was 16, I had it all figured out.  Of course I did.  Don't all 16-25 year old people have it all figured out.   It's that time in your life when you know more than your parents could ever dream or hope to know.  Yes, I had it planned out.  I was going to have a it be something good.  Something that makes me lots of money.  I will probably get married and IF I do have children, well then my husband will be the one to stay home with the kids.  I am not going to do all the homemaker junk!  I am woman hear me roar! 

I met my husband when I was 21.   We were married three weeks after I turned 23.  Then just 4 years later something happened that changed who I was forever.  When they first handed her to me, I thought she looked kind of funny.  Nobody ever told me that they don't come out looking like a cherub.  They actually are kind blotchy and wrinkly.  No matter, once I held her in my arms my life was forever changed.  For starters, I had no idea what to do with her.  I had no idea about anything to do with raising a child.  And that is when it hit me.  I had to stay home.  I had to be with her. 

12 years and two kids later, I realize more and more that I have lost a lot of who I was.  Where is that girl with the fierce attitude?  Where is that girl who never backed down from a fight?  Where is that girl who was outspoken and had passions?  I am happy to say she is still in there somewhere.  And I am going to bring her back to the surface.  I miss her.  Part of what has brought this on is Holly's--from 504 Main--weekly feature of Rethink What Matters.  If you want to learn more go here.  

But it is not just her wonderful posts that have inspired me.  It's this funk I have been in for way too long now.  Oh and the fact that I am turning...f-f-f-f-orty this year! Oh!  That really hurt!  It really has hit me.  I am in the middle of my life, and some where along the way, I left part of me behind. Why do we do that?  How do we change it?  And how do we not have the guilt the comes with remembering ourselves?  What do you do?  Where is the balance? 

Picture of the Day
I think the picture pretty much sums up my weekend.


As Told By Molly said...

Still trying to figure all that out myself.

CJ Sime said...

I know just what you mean!! If Shorty goes to public school for kindergarten next year, then I am "free."

What does one do with this "freedom?" What do I like to eat? I eat a lot of mac and cheese but perhaps that is just because it is what Shorty wants to eat.

I bet my blogging time will be cut by at least half not having a million questions and requests.

I am very nervous if she goes to public school because that is when I have to decide who and what I am and what I want to do with that information. AAHHHh!

Emmy said...

How is Ryan doing? Is he any better? Sorry he is sick :(

You are right, it is so easy to lose a part of ourselves.. why do we do that? I think some of the parts of myself that I have lost, well it is probably for the best, as sometimes wisdom does come with age.. but other parts... yeah need to find them again.

mormonhermitmom said...

I don't think you lost yourself, you transformed. I know the funk feeling though. It hit me more or less a couple years ago - and soon after that the blogging began. I think another transformation will happen when the kids are all grown and move out. I know my mom has.

Mother Chick said...

Hey there chicky, there's an award for you over on my blog - stop by to pick it up!

Rachel Sue said...

I know what your talking about. But, sometimes, I realize that the real me rears it's head in defense of my children. Then I'm really okay with it!

KK said...

I'm the exact opposite. About to be 38, all I ever wanted was to be a wife and mom, and I'm alone with no kids and frankly too old to start now! But I try to just be happy with what I have.

Janiece said...

I was the same way...yet I worked long hours while my 3 children grew up...because I wanted to because I didn't want to "loose" myself being "someone's mom".
My children are grown and starting their own lives...and I would give anything to go back 20 years and spent all the effort I did on my job, to being a mom. Thankgoodness, I became a "stay at home mom" as they became teenagers and young adults I think they needed me even more.
Thanks for the reminder of who I am.

Christina Lee said...

I think you just...evolved!But you sure got me thinking now!

Holly said...

I had no idea these Rethink posts where going to make me think o much either. I feel more confused now...but it is getting clearer! The world is KK referred to. I have numerous friends who are my age or older and all they have ever wanted was to be married and be a mom and they are all single...what gives with this crazy place? I am glad someone is getting something out of these posts!

J. L. W. said...

Sometimes I wish I knew considering everything I do revolves around them (the MOMS Club I belong to and even my blog). I can't believe how quickly time is flying by.

Tracie said...

I think that happens to all of us. Blogging is a great way to discover ourselves.