There is sorrow. There is Joy.

My uncle died today. It was in the wee hours of the morning. He had been very sick with cancer. He was my dad's youngest and only living brother. I am more sad for my dad and his family than I am sad. My uncle shut himself out from the family. I don't know why. I never asked. The last time I saw him I was probably 15. It would have been when my Grandpa died, my dad's father. I remember we played games that night...or the night before. And my uncle was being very funny. He was very funny. Silly. We were playing a game called Perquackey. A game of dice with letters on the dice. I don't remember how many dice there were or the rules. What I do remember, is my uncle spelled a bad word. I remember being shocked that he would use a bad word. I told him he couldn't use it. He was laughing. The funny thing is, it truly was the only word he could spell. He had horrible letters. We were all laughing. Who won the game? I couldn't tell you. I just remember that moment. And how funny it was.

My dad is sad. And reasonably so. He lost his mother in 05, his older brother in 07--also to cancer--and now his younger brother. What a toll this must be. He was much closer to his older brother, but that is neither here nor there. What saddens me most is how my uncle built walls around himself, and disconnected himself from his family.

I am also saddened by the fact that my dad thinks when you die that is it. Even with years of exposure to the church, he still thinks this is it. I can no more understand that, than he can understand why I believe that this is NOT it. That this is just another step in our progression. I am so thankful that he never objected to my mom taking us to church. Interestingly enough, he thought church would be a good thing for us kids. Still, whether he isn't sure or he simply can't fathom more life beyond this mortal existence, it is sad to me.

I haven't seen my uncle in over 20 years. I also had not spoken to him. I faithfully sent him Christmas cards over the years, pictures of the kids and so on. I don't think he ever sent anything to me, but my cards never came back so I know he got them. I know he appreciated it. I know his mother, brother, and two of his sisters were there to greet him. It was a good day for them. A good friend of mine said, "When we left the premortal existence, there must have been sorrow to see us leave. And when a baby is born, there is so much joy and rejoicing. And then, we leave this earth and there is sorrow here, but there is so much joy and rejoicing when we return home." what a beautiful thought. And I believe it to be true.

My dad and his mom.
My dad and his older brother--the last picture of them together.